


This is Kang Seungyoon

by TelephoneCableSplicer



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Blind Date, Cameos, Fluff, Kang Seungyoon is a genius, M/M, Voicemail, namsong - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7714177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TelephoneCableSplicer/pseuds/TelephoneCableSplicer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."</p><p>"Bastard. What. The. Hell. I mean seriously, what is wrong with you? And what year are you living in? A freaking voice message? You want me to leave you a voicemail? Seriously? Oh, I saw you blue-ticking all my messages for god sake, the least you could do is reply to me after that stunt you pulled last night! You actually set up a blind date for me with Song Mino! Why?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is Kang Seungyoon

**Author's Note:**

> Because I saw all the cool kids made a Snapchat / KakaoTalk / WhatsApp fics; and I found that navigating Photoshop and cutting/resizing pictures are *not* one of my hidden talents. Thus, this happened instead.

 

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

"Bastard. **What. The. Hell**. I mean seriously, what is wrong with you? And what year are you living in? A freaking voice message? You want me to leave you a voicemail? Seriously? Oh, I saw you blue-ticking all my messages for god sake, the least you could do is reply to me after that stunt you pulled last night! You actually set up a blind date for me with Song Mino! Why?!

Look, I know you're my best friend even though I would rather be caught dead than saying that out loud, and you're worried about me being single for far too long than the normal amount of time after I usually broke up with someone, but that doesn't give you the right to set me up with a freaking blind date!

Do you hear me Seungyoon-ah! A blind-date! No one does that anymore! Especially not me! I'm a fucking hot piece of a male specimen and I don't need help getting laid!

The whole campus knows that _Nam-fucking-Taehyun_ can perfectly get what or who he wants without anyone's help. Not some action, not some cheap date, even if Song Mino is good-looking enough and the restaurant yesterday was up to my standard.

The point is, I don't have the hots for him, or anyone else at this moment, even if I told you once, that your friend is hot. Okay? So, fuck you Kang Seungyoon. For the most awkward date in my entire life yesterday. I _will-_ "

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

"See?! This is why people don't leave fucking voicemails anymore! There's a fucking time limit and _argh_ , I'm so angry with you right now! I'm going to skin you when you get back. _Haa..._

And... By the way, good job on your part of the assignment you emailed me this morning. I'll compile them tonight and pray to god we won't flunk this course and finally graduate from this place. Which reminds me, we're final year students and you set me up on a blind date with an older guy? Do I look like I need taking care of? My god I'm getting angry again. I am going to punch you. You can count on it."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

"Hey man, I've been trying to call you since like, ever. Why are you blue-ticking me, bro? Anyway, just wanted to say thanks, for... you know, setting me up on that date with Taehyun. But dude, you didn't tell him anything about me? He said you stood him up, and it was kinda awkward and embarrassing so I just roll with it. Like, _pfft, yeah, Seungyoon, that man is, deceitful. Totally stood me up too, for this dinner-get together thing, haha. I'm Song Mino by the way, his friend, yup._

But it was awesome. Taehyun is cold as fuck and a bit unpredictable with his mood swings but he is so amazing too. And dude, his features are beautiful, man. You're fucking lucky to have him as a housemate. Bless your eyes, bro. Wait dude, did he really said I'm hot to you, though? I kinda don't believe you ya know, he stares at me like I'm the dirt beneath his shiny Saint Laurent shoes.

But whatever man, I had a great time. I'll pass your portfolio around my friends in the field like I promised. You're going to land an awesome job after you're done graduating man. I swear. Thank you, my awesome dongsaeng."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

"Seungyoon-ah, are you at work? I'm calling because Taehyunie is here and won't stop ranting to Hoon and I about you. What did you do this time? He said to ask you but not to message you because, and I quote, _Seungyoon is a neanderthal, Jinwoo-hyung. Someone who won't even grasp the simple usage of a messaging system because it's too advanced for his dumb brain, you better just voicemail him like in the stone age._

Or something along those lines. What's a neanderthal? Oh! Speaking of stone, Taehyun is here because he seemed to have lost his keys to the apartment. He checked under the pottery for the extra one but it's not there and you wouldn't pick up your phone. So I guess he's crashing here.

Call me, or him, soon okay? And tell me what you did too, later. It sounds like a hot gossip. I live for those."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

" _Hahahahaha_ a freaking voicemail! I haven't done this in ages! Jinwoo-hyung was right, this is kinda nostalgic. Oh wait, I'll put it on loudspeaker, there. Anyway, yeah I didn't bother messaged you because Jinwoo-hyung and Taehyun keep saying you're worthless at that, but are you still up for our Super-Smash-Summer-Time-Splash this weekend? These free all-pass tickets are not easy to come by you know, they're expensive too. I'm only getting these babies because I am such an awesome junior at my firm.

Either that or that noona have the hots for the ever-charming designer guy HoonieHoonie! .....Okay, that was kinda awkward, saying it out loud without any audience."

 

"I'm here. It was cute. HoonieHoonie! I like it. It has a nice ring to it."

 

"Oh my god Jinwoo-hyung, why are you kissing his ass? Are you two dating? I don't want to hear or witness any unwarranted activities while I'm stuck here!"

 

"Thank you, hyung and shut up maknae, it's called being nice to your housemate. Something you and Seungyoon lacks."

 

"Yup, brofist. Oh, are you still on the line with Seungyoon though, Hoonie?"

 

"Oh fuck, shit-"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

"Why did I get cut off? Is this a payphone booth?"

 

"It's a voicemail recorder, hyung. There's a time limit for those."

 

"What? Really? I've never left a voicemail long enough to actually get cut off. You should be honoured that a popular guy like me is doing this to you, Seungyoon-ah. Anyway, are you still up for it? It's this weekend and I only have four tickets so you'd better get back to me or I need to find someone else. Won't let these babies go to waste.

Call me back."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

"Seungyoon-ah~ It's Sunday! You're not working today, are you? Or is your phone dead? Anyway, Hoon and I are worried whether or not you got home safe from the waterpark yesterday? If Seunghoon hadn't busted his leg simply from a water slide, I would've told him to drive you guys back. He's worried if you somehow got punched by Taehyun along the way, you know?"

 

"Nah Jinwoo-hyung, I'm not worried. Seungyoon is a grown-up man, who plans evil things for his housemate and probably deserve getting beat up. If Taehyun did beat him up yesterday that is, but I doubt it."

  
"Hmm, I doubt it too. Taehyun didn't look angry, just slightly embarrassed maybe when Yoonie's friend came?"

 

"Hyung, with that guy showing off his half-naked body and bold-ass tattoos all day long, I was embarrassed too from all the stares our group attracts."

 

"But you agree that he's hot right? He's very manly and nice! Even though he looks like a gangster. But a hot, manly, nice gangster!"

 

"Hyung, maybe you're the one who's attracted to him? He doesn't look like the type Taehyun likes. You know; pretty, fair skin and smart?"

 

"Yeah, those are Taehyun's type... Are you sure this is a good hook-up for Taehyunie, Seungyoon-ah? Just think about it ok? Don't want to see you get beaten to a pulp anytime soon. We'll see you around~"

 

"Wait, hyung, you didn't answer me. Do you like Song _Min-_ "

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, I'm probably busy working to come and answer the phone right now, please leave a message instead. Thank you very much."_

 

"First of all, I just woke up with a hangover, albeit a small one but the sun is still being an asshole right now towards my optical impression. Two, you are not around the house for me to choke your asshole self, anywhere. And three,... Wait the fuck up, I have so many shits to throw at you I don't know which should be in the top three anymore.

YOU BASTARD. What did we talk about last time, Kang- _fucking_ -Seungyoon? I said stop it! Okay? Look, I'm sure Mino is a great guy but I'm not interested. I need to focus on my studies man, we're final year students! All this hooking up and dating shit can fucking wait. Contrary to your beliefs, I'm not lonely, Polli and Balli are here to cheer me up whenever I'm in the dump. That is what cats are for. And you're here too for my amusement, sometimes, I think, when you're not off to one of your part time jobs which are all the time.

But the point is, stop it. Right now. I mean it. Me and Mino-hyung, we are just not compatible. He's too different from me. Did you see his tattoos? It's fucking superb and loud, okay? LOUD. With capitals. It's perfect on his,... well, very healthy sun kissed tanned skin, and wonderful manly pecs sure but I like small, and delicate things. Like MY tattoos or partners, past and future. So get your facts about me straight before pulling things like this off.

Bye."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

"Yo bro, you're babysitting? I thought you quit that months ago when you said you have regular gigs at the campus cafe on Friday? Eh whatever, you're good with both kids and guitars so. Um yeah, just wanna thank you. Again. For yesterday, you know, for inviting me to your Super-Smash-Summer-Time-Splash! Hahaha! Man, your friends are hilarious! Seunghoon-hyung is a funny guy and Jinwoo-hyung, dude, how did you even get to know such a person? He looks like a freaking model!

Man, if I'm not already _in-like_ with Taehyun I'd go for him. He's kinda cutely dense for a hyung, freaking adorable. But not as adorable as Nam Taehyun in goggles and Hawaiian printed shorts! Worth every won I paid for the ticket. When the hell did these parks get super expensive, though? At least all the rides are free so that's a plus. Dude, I totally thought Taehyun is more chic and reserved but he's a crazy person when he's having fun, huh? Drinking and swimming is dangerous, though, what the fuck is he so frustrated over? And he still won't stop glaring at me, with those red cheeks and hair flipping. Oh god, I'm weak just thinking about how cute he is.

I better stop now before you suffer from me gushing over your buddy, over his chiseled abs, alabaster skin, and fancy-as-fuck tattoos. Like, freaking elegant and quirky.

He's... so... _perfect..._

I'M DOING THIS! I am going to date him, you can count on me Kang Seungyoon! _Bye byeeee~_ "

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

" _Kang Seungyoon-shi~_ It's your Zico-hyungnim here! What's up, man? Anyway, I'm not really a messaging kinda guy and you wouldn't pick up your calls so this is the fastest way I guess.

Do you know what's up with Mino? He keeps smiling and sighing all dreamy and shit in the house ever since he got back from the weekends with you. It's been a week man and it's disgusting, like the time he was _crushing on Dara-noona during high school_ type of disgusting.

He keeps writing stupid, sappy ass lyrics too. I can't work with him like this and we need to pay the fucking bill man. Tell me, did he score a piece or something? Cause I sure as hell can't get a single thing out of him when he's slobbering all over the floor over god knows what.

Hit me back yo, I'm just about this close to fucking throttle his dumb happy face. Peace."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

" _Oppa~_ Suhyun here! Everyone's been saying to leave you a voicemail if you're not available so I'm going to do just that! I'm at the campus cafe right now actually, are you performing today, oppa? I was just wondering since I didn't see your name in the line-up but instead, I saw Taehyun-oppa's name! It's been awhile since I saw him performing, are you going to come too?

Oh and not just that, since Taehyun-oppa's performing tonight, I thought of hanging out with him before the gig starts but he's sitting with a man I don't know at the corner table there. I don't think he's a senior, though, he dresses way too nicely for a student. Like, loaded kinda nice. Do you know him? Tall, dark skin, good-looking, the whole nine yards. But he's kind of intimidating when he's not smiling.

Is he Taehyun-oppa's friend? They look like friends, they're talking and oppa is smiling a lot. _Ah~_ I want to go talk to oppa too, it's been so long and he's so handsome today. What am I saying, he's handsome every day. Oh, that man just went over to the counter alone with both their mugs, is he getting a refill? Maybe I can go say hi to Taehyun-oppa now.

 _I'm going~_ Message me if you're coming okay oppa? Bye bye."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

"Seungyoon-hyung! Is Taehyun-hyung dating someone? I thought he was on a break? You told me he was on a break, hyung! I just got out from the Friday gig and I saw him leaving with a man. A strange man! He keeps looking at hyungnim indecently!"

 

_"Donghyuk what are you doing whispering loudly back there, walk faster man I'm freezing my pretty balls out here!"_

_"He's calling Seungyoon-shi to bitch moan about Taehyun-shi and his, non-existent love life."_

 

"Shut up Chanwoo, I'm not moaning! There is no moaning. There is no Taehyun-hyung what-so-ever too, fix your hearing. Taehyun-hyung and moaning shouldn't be in the same sentence! It'll bring up impure but _sex_ y images that- _Hey! Give that back Junhoe-_ "

 

"Sorry, Yoon-hyung, he's still not over his pining over Taehyun-hyung. It's hard to hammer into that thick skull of his that he wouldn't even stand a chance on hooking-up with someone like _Nam Taehyun_."

 

_"Excuse me, I'm not pining. I just happen to have very high respects for hyung's talent and beauty. Don't you roll your eyes at me Chanwoo."_

 

"Why is Seungyoon-hyung not saying anything? Did he hang up? Hello?"

 

_"It's a voicemail Junhoe-ah. He and Taehyun-hyung are not replying their messages."_

 

"Voicemail? What the _fu-_ "

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

"Hyung, seriously! That guy looks like a hired assassin!"

 

_"Donghyuk-hyung, if you keep on going to be this embarrassing then I'm heading back first. Stop whispering if you're gonna be that loud."_

 

"Save Taehyun-hyungnim!"

 

_"Move Donghyuk! I swear to god-"_

 

"Bye hyung!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

"It's Saturday afternoon Seungyoon-ah, we're out of milk. You were supposed to do the grocery last week. Where are you? You're not around the whole day yesterday and you're not home this morning either. Are you really babysitting someone's kid or have you actually knocked up a girl and now hiding a secret child?

I took your place at the gig yesterday, it went fine. Mino-hyung was there too, he was looking for you. Said it had been awhile since he last saw you singing. He said he missed your **soulful** voice. _Haha_ , funny guy. You guys are close huh? Well, not like it's any of my concern...

We chatted a bit before the show, me and Mino-hyung. He was surprisingly pleasant to talk to yesterday. I didn't know he was a small-time composer, that's admirable. Although his tastes in music differ from mine but he's really insightful. He said he works with Zico-shi, did you know that? That's cool. I'm not into their music much but, it's cool.

He said I could come to their studio and learn a few tricks, or maybe asks for advice on our final year project. I might just take up his offer then. So tell me when your schedules are free okay? So we can go together, as Mino-hyung's _friends_ , emphasis on the friend part.

And grab the milk on your way back."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

"Kang Seungyoon-shi, did you just call my children little monsters? Hahaha! I'm just kidding. I messaged you but it didn't go through, maybe your phone died? I'm really, terribly sorry for the bother, Seungyoon-shi. I apologise again but if you weren't there yesterday then I don't know what I'll do with the twins.

The hospital just called and my husband is fine. He's being discharged later today. The doctor said that he fainted from low blood sugar and exhaustion. His workplace has been hectic for the past few months. He hasn't been home often and I'm just so stressed out too. Thank you for taking care of Namwoo and Jeongwoo at home all through the night. They're scared of hospitals and I'm sure their father wouldn't want the twins to see him like that too.

I'm sorry you had to delay your time for going back to Busan because of this. We have bothered you a great deal, I am very sorry...

Ah, I can't stop my tears... I hope you arrived safely Seungyoon-shi and please say hi to your mother for me. She raised a wonderful person.

Ah, my crying face is ugly, hahaha... The twins said to say hello. They really enjoyed your sleepover yesterday. I'm glad... Thank you... Sorry for crying so much...

Take care, Seungyoon-shi."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon, to those who messaged me, yes I am aware of it all but if I take my eyes off the tiny humans I'm babysitting even for a bit, the building will burn down because they're actually tiny monsters. Do leave a message, thank you very much."_

 

"Hey, you don't need to get the milk. Mino-hyung came by just now. He wanted to pass my missing house key. I left it during our first dinner together that time. Went grocery shopping for you with him, since I needed to thank him for finding my keys so I treated him to an early dinner while we were out. There's a take-out in the fridge from the cafe you like.

Anyway, Mino-hyung bought me _chai latte_ when we ate just now, which is suspicious because that was what he bought for me last night at the gig too. It's my favourite drink, usually, someone would just buy an Americano. Did you tell him stuff about me, Seungyoon-ah? I don't appreciate you giving him tips about me. Someone who wants something needs to work hard for it, don't you think so?

Anyway, call me back. If you're missing two nights in a row, I'm calling the cops."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon's post-it note. Thesis and babysitting are probably more important to him than you right now, so leave a message and I will write it down and stick myself up on his foam board. Have a nice day."_

 

"Uh, Seungyoon-shi? Oppa? Are you busy? Are you...okay? That's a weird voicemail message. Anyway, Danah here. I need to ask you something, is my brother dating someone? Someone tall, adorable face with slanted eyebrows and have really nice fashion sense? I'm in town to check up on some local universities. Mino-oppa was supposed to meet me in the evening but I kinda saw him during lunch at a restaurant with someone just now.

They were eating and laughing and making heart eyes at each other and oh my god my goofball of a brother looked like the perfect gentleman, it's both amazing and _alarming_. Who is that other person? They were holding hands and all and I know that goofy face Mino-oppa always has on when he's completely smitten. You have to tell me oppa! I called Pyo-oppa but he's not answering his phone. And Zico-oppa said he doesn't have a clue of what I'm talking about and that Pyo-oppa's phone was misplaced somewhere in the house, on silent mode and that's why he didn't answer me. They're currently on a massive manhunt search for it before the battery dies. Never a dull day with them, huh?

Please call me back oppa, when you're not busy, I need details! I'll be waiting!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon's post-it note. Thesis and babysitting are probably more important to him than you right now, so leave a message and I will write it down and stick myself up on his foam board. Have a nice day."_

 

" _Seungyoonnnnn aaahhh~ Where are youuuu~~_ How was my Busan accent? Almost similar right? Hahaha! Anyway Seungyoon, we're planning a movie night this weekend. I'm not sure if both you and Taehyunie are free with all the thesis, so I'm just asking in advance. We bought a new stereo set! We need to try it out! _Aaand_ I still don't know what movie we'll be watching, something exciting maybe with lots of explosions? _Hoon-ah~_ what are we watching?"

 

"What better movie to test out the authenticity of our new surround sound home theater system other than, drumrolls please, Jinwoo-hyung!"

 

" _Dugudugudugudugu~_ "

 

"Happy Feet! Boogie _Wonderlaaand~_ "

 

"Careful Hoon-ah, don't dance so suddenly, your leg is still busted. "

 

"Fine.."

 

"Oh, why don't we ask Song Mino-shi to join us? I heard from valuable sources that he and our Taehyunie have been spotted together quite frequently. It's surprising, don't you think so Seunghoon-ah? They're like, total opposites but they seem to be getting along fine."

 

"Change of plans! We're watching The Shining or I.T. instead! Those are the perfect bonding movies!"

 

"Foreign movies? Are they any good?"

 

"Oh trust me, hyung. They're phenomenal. And while the movie's playing, I'll be in the kitchen preparing us Cheesy-Kogi-Hoonie-Special-Pasta!"

 

"You'll miss the movies then."

 

"It's... uh, it's okay. I've seen it before. And feeding my beloved, unrelated-by-blood brothers are more important to me."

 

"Woah, our Seunghoon is such a _cool guy~_ Well, Yoonie, hope to see you and Taehyunie next weekend! _Take care Seungyoon-ah~_ "

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon's post-it note. Thesis and babysitting are probably more important to him than you right now, so leave a message and I will write it down and stick myself up on his foam board. Have a nice day."_

 

"Hey, Jinwoo-hyung and Seunghoon-hyung just called me. They asked if we wanna join their sad movie night next weekend.

I told them we're coming. I don't know if you have anything planned but if you can't make it, it's fine. Oh, Mino-hyung's joining us too. He'll be a bit late, though, he's meeting a client somewhere in Incheon that day.

I just got back from an art exhibition with him. I'm at Subway right now, do you want anything for dinner? Or supper? What time will you be back today? I'll just ask Mino to treat you to some nice meatball sub, okay? You've been busy since, ever.

See ya."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon's post-it note. Thesis and babysitting are probably more important to him than you right now, so leave a message and I will write it down and stick myself up on his foam board. Have a nice day."_

 

"Hello, Kang Seungyoon-shi? This is Tablo from High Ground. I saw your resume and it says you babysit on your free time? I'm sorry, this is weird, actually, I'm calling to ask you to come for an interview at High Ground and, to babysit my daughter for a day.

Would you mind calling me back with the details? On your babysitting hours and payments. And I'll inform you the details about the interview too. I'm sorry if this call is kind of confusing, haha. Usually, the admin will call up the candidates but I just saw your resume and the word babysitting just kind of, stood out. And your marks too, of course, you have very excellent pointers. Good job, young man.

Okay, Kang Seungyoon-shi. This is an official call, okay? From both High Ground and me as a dad looking for a babysitter at, oh wow, 2am in the morning? Haha, my bad. Um, okay. Have a good night."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon's post-it note. Thesis and babysitting are probably more important to him than you right now, so leave a message and I will write it down and stick myself up on his foam board. Have a nice day."_

 

"Hyung, before you say anything, I'm not a stalker. But I'm at a bookstore right now and I just saw Taehyun-hyung. And guess what? The serial killer guy is still sticking around him! Hyung, I don't think you understand the **gravity** of this situation. His stare towards hyungnim is _lecherous_ , believe me, hyung, it screams suggestive! And if that's not bad enough, he did an 180 and his stare turns into deadly glares when someone else talks to hyungnim!"

 

_"Donghyuk, what are you doing crouching behind that bookshelf? Did you find what you're looking for?"_

 

"Yes, I found what I wanted Junhoe but it is currently being guarded by a beast!"

 

_"What? What book is that? Where? You need to hurry up, man, my hair appointment is in 15 minutes- woah, wait. Isn't that Taehyun-hyung? Should we go greet him? Oh, he's with that other guy from last time."_

 

"Vile demon!"

 

_"You're whispering dramatically to your phone... That's Seungyoon-hyung on the line isn't it?"_

 

"Heed my warning, Yoon-hyung, bye!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon's post-it note. Thesis and babysitting are probably more important to him than you right now, so leave a message and I will write it down and stick myself up on his foam board. Have a nice day."_

 

"Hey man, it's your favourite hyung, Zico, here. What's up? I'm calling cos I heard from Mino you're having a hard time in making up your mind on where to start your career.

I can't believe it, you're not yet graduating and companies are falling over each other, calling you up. High Ground, Mystic Ent, YG Ent? You're a star student, Kang Seungyoon-shi. And because of that, you need to really think your choices through. Hit me up if you wanna have a talk, man. I'm no expert but at least I know some thing or another about any production companies and can give you free advice.

Take care man. Good luck on your thesis. A little more to go. Peace out."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon's post-it note. Thesis and babysitting are probably more important to him than you right now, so leave a message and I will write it down and stick myself up on his foam board. Have a nice day."_

 

" _Seungyoon-ah~_ remember our movie night is tomorrow! You're going on a holiday to Jeju on the next day, right? Just bring you luggage along tomorrow and sleep here! The station is right next to us anyway. You can have Seunghoon's bed."

 

"Yeah man, I've been crashing on the sofa ever since I busted my leg. Feel free to roll around in my bed sheets and experience _eau-de-Hoonie_. Just don't do anything nasty when you're in it."

 

"Don't worry Yoonie, I'll change the bedding and tidy up the room a bit for you! Have you submitted your thesis? This is it right? You're a free man after this! We should celebrate! Taehyunie said both you and him have been getting calls from potential companies. I'm so proud of you both."

 

"Yeah, congrats little maknaes. Everything is on me tomorrow so just bring your asses over!"

 

"See you tomorrow, Yoonie!"

 

"See ya!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Yah, Kang Seungyoon! Please keep your housemate in check! This has been the tenth time he's blocking my way in the hallway!

As if the hallways are not small enough, him standing and giggling and flirting with his boyfriend in front of our doors at 1am is a public disruption! We're front door neighbours, I can hear everything, okay? And some of their conversations are not lady-appropriate!

And don't give me excuses, I've warned him last time to get a room, or if they want to stand in the hallway for god knows how long at random intervals of the day, being all mushy together, then at least make some way for people and their poodle to walk! All I ever get is _Bomie-noona, you're not jealous are you?_

Me? Jealous? Of whom? You and your boyfriend? I wouldn't even want both of you even if you throw yourselves at me! It doesn't matter how good-looking both of you are! This is the final straw Kang Seungyoon! Opening the front door and seeing those two making out last night was just too much! Their privacy is invading my public! This is outrageous! Talk to your housemate or I'll record their lewd behaviors and upload it on Youtube!

 _Have a nice day, Kang Seungyoon-ah~_ "

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Hello Seungyoon-shi, this is Pyo-goon. How are you? Do you know where Mino is? His phone is dead and Zico-hyung said to ask you since you were with him yesterday?

He was supposed to meet a client in Incheon and show us their feedbacks, so we could start working today, our deadline for this project is super tight.

I'm on my way to your house in half an hour, if he's not there just text me alright? I hope you and him are not smashed from wild partying man, drunk Mino is depressing as hell. Anyway see ya in a few, Pyo-goon out!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Kang Seungyoon-shi, it's Pyo again, are you home? If you are, please open the door right now. I'm outside, I'm tired of ringing the doorbell."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

" _Hehehe~_ Kang Seungyoon-shi, I'm sending you a picture! Hehehe, I got in through your apartment's security door with a help from your front door neighbor, a pretty noona who just came back from walking her pretty white poodle.

And I used the key I found from under some pots of plants, sorry for breaking and entering. You should've told me you're not home! But to make it up to you, this picture can be used for future bribing purposes, for all the hassle you and me are going through today!

Oh shit, Mino's waking up, bye."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Hello, this is Tablo. Kang Seungyoon-shi, you said you are available only Thursday onwards for babysitting? That's fine, I need to fly off to LA on Friday, can you come over and take care of Haru between noon to early midnight? Her mom will be back from work by then.

Please call me back soon, thank you very much. Enjoy your trip to Jeju Island!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Oh my god, he's been hiding this from me? He's actually dating someone this pretty and he didn't say anything about this to me? I'm Zico, his hyung through life and death! I should be the first one to know everything about his love life!

How did this happen, Seungyoon-ah? You have to tell me! If you have time to forward that half naked picture of Mino and his current squeeze then you have the time to text or call!

Don't keep your hyung waiting, you rascal!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

" _Seungyoon-ah~_ That picture is so cute! Although it's kind of dark but I can still make out our Taehyunie cuddling half naked with Mino!"

 

"Jinwoo-hyung, I'm pretty sure they're entirely naked under those sheets."

 

"Even better! That means they're officially together right? I kinda had a feeling since they were practically all over each other during movie night. It was cute!"

 

"It wasn't cute. They were screaming and shouting at the screen like a pair of drunkards."

 

"That's because you spiked the drinks too much, Hoon-ah."

 

"Hey, you said we needed to celebrate for stuff. Admit it, watching Mino trying to protect Taehyun from the clown is funny. They were so out of it that they were threatening bodily harm to something on the screen."

 

"And they cuddled a lot too after we put in Happy Feet. I would never have thought Taehyun could be so snugly. And Mino is so gentle with him, running his hand through Taehyun's hair while our maknae is sleeping on his shoulder. It was sweet, mainly because Mino didn't get his hand cut off. Imagine you doing that to our maknae, Seungyoon-ah, your hand will be a goner."

 

"His hand will still be a goner after Taehyun finds out about this racy picture of him cuddling with Mino after doing the _do-dats_. I won't be deleting this anytime soon. Nice knowing you, Seungyoon-ah. Thanks for the memory!"

 

"Have fun in Jeju, Seungyoon-ah. Say hi to your mom for us!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Oh my god, oppa. I know I asked for details about my brother last time, but this is too detailed! And are those new tattoos? Mom is going to go taekwondo on him if she finds out.

And so, who's the lucky guy? I may need to have a talk with him. As a sister, it is my duty to make sure that my gentle and loving brother whom often mistaken as a harsh person from his looks alone does not get into a relationship that is one-sided.

You know how oppa is, he gives and loves too much until others took advantage of his kindness. And he never learns. I hope he would take better care of his heart. Anyway, I'm calling Mino-oppa again, I'm gonna make him introduce this guy to me.

Take care, Seungyoon-oppa!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

" **Fucking Kang Seungyoon!** Where did you get that picture from?! Stop spreading it around! People are calling me non-stop to congratulate me! With a picture of me and Mino-hyung half naked! Oh my god, I am going to kill you Seungyoon!

In fact, I should just buy a ticket to Jeju right now, track you down, murder you and bury you in a forest somewhere there! I'm sure Mino would be more than glad to help!

Also, I know what's in your mind right now. _If you're not serious with Song Mino then you shouldn't worry about it._ I do worry, okay? Mino-hyung and I have been steadily going out together. I kinda, didn't want to tell you because I was so against it at first. But this time, it's different. Mino-hyung is a nice change, he doesn't depend on me like other girls did in the past, and he respects me and gives me space when I need it. But he also treats me gently and it's confusing and exciting at the same time. I've never been pampered so much, it's disgustingly sweet and I like it. I like him, okay.

And I like his body a hell lot so no one should be perving on him without my consent! So stop spreading that picture! He is my man now, you sick bastard! I'm going to pick you up from the airport this Thursday and throw you in the Han river right after, asshole."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

  
"And... Thank you for hooking us up. In the first place. I don't know why you did it, or if you see something in Mino that is good for me but, thanks man.

Buy me a fucking souvenir from Jeju, you are still an asshole."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Okay, so I just got chewed out by Mino for calling Nam Taehyun-shi his _current squeeze_. Apparently, he's all in for this one. Got the full story out of him, and he said you're the matchmaker? Nice one man.

Pyo got a black eye for the stunt he pulled but he's wearing it proudly like a battle scar. That dimwit, haha. You're in Jeju right, Seungyoon-ah? I'm heading there too tomorrow for a meeting. We should meet up, you still haven't decided on where to apply for your job right? I can give you a few pointers.

Call me tomorrow, man. If you're up for it. See ya."

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Yo bro, Taehyun has been screaming for the last hour about that picture, quit it, man. Stop spreading it around. Although I think it is safe to say that man, Taehyun and I look good together, being half naked and all.

Did you see his beautiful white skin? His delicate limbs and soft hair? Oh my gosh, I just want to squish-hug him, he is so precious! I'm setting the picture as my wallpaper in my phone man. We're total opposites even physically but man, don't we look good together? Nammie is so exquisite bro, just look at the picture! He's practically glowing! Damn, I'm one lucky bastard.

Oh, you're on a holiday with your mom at Jeju right? Have fun man. And thanks, for everything. Taehyun is really too good for me but I'm keeping him. Told ya I would date him! Find yourself a partner too soon, so we can double date! I'll pay for everything on that day if it ever arrives man.

You are one beautiful son of a bitch and I love you, man. Thank you for bringing Taehyun into my life. THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY!

And it's not just because we finally gone all the way yesterday, although that was awesome too. Dude, Taehyun is a beast in the bed. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who can keep up with me? TMI, I know but whatever man, I'm in love!

God bless you Kang Seungyoon!"

 

* * *

 

_"This is Kang Seungyoon. Half baby-sitter, half psychiatrist, half priest. Three halves don't equal to one, though, whatever. Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to me, for I shall listen and be your savior."_

 

"Hyung, I don't think sending that image to Donghyuk was a wise move..."

 

_"They looked so sinfully good together! Why is this my life Junhoe-ah?!"_

 

"Yeah...well."

 

* * *

 

_"This is the genius Kang Seungyoon. Congratulations on both Taehyunie and Mino for finding love with MY help. Seunghoon-hyung, Jinwoo-hyung, please just text me, your voicemails are the longest to go through. To others, leave a message after the beep. Beep!"_

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Because I lowkey ship Zico and Seungyoon. 
> 
> Also, let's just pretend in this universe, voicemails are more than 3 minutes long aayyy *dabs*  
> Thank you for reading!


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